At the moment, writing is what keeps me (moderately) sane. These bombings of Kyiv are tough to watch. I write, because as long as I do, I can’t watch my Twitter feed, screaming, in horror and sadness and fear. Yes, it’s hard for me to admit that, but of course I’m afraid. We all are.
Ukraine is still winning, keep that in mind, but the road there is … Yeah. It’s because Ukraine is winning that they’re bombing the country.
I say “they” deliberately, as I don’t want to take the word “russia” in my mouth. That’s how much I hate them.
So today I’m going to explain hate, and anger. It’s common, these days, to consider hate a purely negative emotion – we’ve got so many blahblahey quotes on the subject. But we have this whole range of feelings for very good, evolutionary reasons. The hate helps with the fear, and well, I’m not going to be picky when it comes to driving that awful, sinking ship away. Fear is the mindkiller – as a writer better than me said. No one can afford to get their minds killed in this war. Don’t have the time for that.
So you hate, and you learn to temper that white-flashes-behind-the-eyes hate. But you hate, all the time. You wake up in the morning, hating. You eat lunch hating. You fall asleep with your phone in one hand, and hate in your heart.
The anger, red as blood on the pavement, comes in bursts, which is good, as it’s an exhausting feeling. But really – how fucking DARED they invade Ukraine. How did they just march in and take Crimea, with their ugly little green men, pretending “No hands!” while at the same time bragging about it. How did we just watch that happen?
Revenge, I want it. We all do. But at the same time we’ve got to be so much better than those swamp monkeys. We (I say, as a person who shared this war with Ukrainians), will need to be perfect victims, or the world won’t support us. I’m not stupid, that is just the way things are. People want you on a victim pedestal, all Madonna-like and a good pretty martyr, but in reality, we’re all crawling around on the floor in this war; struggling to uphold the dignity that that shit-hole country is trying to rob us of.
So, at some point we’re going to want revenge. I should of course use a less unsavory words (retribution?), but truth be told – nope, it’s revenge. Look at how many good people they killed. We’re not getting them back. A whole country, terror bombed and tortured and murdered by a brutal aggressor, for absolutely no good fucking reason.
So we hate, and we try to temper it, because yes, hate will consume you – no need to tell me that. But we have a right to, actually.
Now, the only thing that keeps me sane is writing. And fantasizing about that botox putler and his cunt generals and petty torturers getting hanged. You have got to promise me that: hang them, like in the good old very bad times.
It’s tuff to read. I really get it, I get the frustrations and anger. I get why you want revenge, what they have done, and what they are doing makes me hate them too. I just hope they will get that they lost soon, so no more Ukrainians will have to suffer. Don’t think they will hang though, seams to be suicide by multiple gunshots while falling out of a window, that is the most common death.